Broken Light: A Photography Collective

We are photographers living with or affected by mental illness; supporting each other one photograph at a time. Join our community, submit today!

The Nightmare

Please welcome first-time contributor Loni, a survivor of long-term childhood sexual abuse. She battles complex PTSD and with that, depression and anxiety. Loni has made it her life’s mission to empower other survivors to overcome their circumstances. She is currently studying Child and Family Studies at Berea College. It is her dream to start a transitional home for survivors to begin to heal, and to help them recover their voices through various forms of therapy to create a beautiful, colorful world of empowerment and awareness.

About this photo: “I had a recurring nightmare of this teacup and the eruption that broke it for many years. In the dream, the tea cup set upon its saucer on a small round table, covered in a white lace cloth in the corner of my room. I rose up from my bed and saw the arrangement as the teacup made a sweet, tiny peeping sound. Milliseconds later, the walls started quaking and poured dirt and debris as mole-like tunnels trailed the walls all around the room. The tiny teacup trembled and screamed as it shattered to dust.

This nightmare is the first form of trauma I can recall. It was born from a night that my dad came into my bedroom, as I waited in bed for cuddles, screaming and picking up all he could throw, breaking my precious tea sets, windows, jewelry box among other trinkets in a rage as I screamed under the blankets. 

I later found this surviving teacup which my mom had glued its bits back together. The damage was clearly impossible for her to fix.

This picture quite painfully depicts my life. My father shattering my delicacy, my mother trying to glue the family back together, hiding its flaws, ignoring the damages, and only I hold the true reality of the situation- irreparable damage, and a family who left me in pieces to hold together my pain and brokenness alone.”

Find more from Loni on Instagram @lady.wray

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11 comments on “The Nightmare

  1. I Mean Well.
    May 20, 2016

    Amazing photograph. You are so strong.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. autisticaplanet
    May 21, 2016

    It takes a lot of courage to confront and reveal pain. I’m a Christian and have read books by a woman called Joyce Meyer. She is a Christian teacher who endured much of what you described. Her books and CDs have helped a lot. I’m sorry to risk spam, but I thought it would be important to share, for the offering.

    Liked by 1 person

    • loni renea
      May 21, 2016

      Thank you! I have heard many great things about Meyer. I started reading The Gifts of Imperfection by her but didn’t get very far. It caused me to dissociate.

      Liked by 1 person

      • autisticaplanet
        May 21, 2016

        I listen to her books on audio mostly. The Battlefield of the Mind and The Mind Connection have helped me. I struggle with negative thinking, and that helps me along with her devotionals. Love out loud helped me as a newer Christian.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. iampeacenow
    May 21, 2016

    This is a beautiful photo – despite the darkness behind it. You are very brave & strong. I wish you peace.

    Like

  4. loni renea
    May 21, 2016

    Reblogged this on how to kill yourself without dying and commented:
    Check out my submission on The Broken Light Collective.

    Like

  5. Carespin
    May 23, 2016

    Beautiful image. Thank you for contributing and welcome.

    Like

  6. Cla-c
    May 24, 2016

    Your story so touched me Loni,it made me cry for you a hundred times.I am so sorry .Your dream sounds amazing.I only wish you the best .

    Like

  7. Secret Keeper
    August 21, 2016

    This is a beautiful and haunting photograph. I am so sorry for the pain it represents. You are so strong and brave to share. Thank you for allowing me see into this part of your world. I am honored.

    Like

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