Broken Light: A Photography Collective

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Depression Train

Photo taken by contributor Cheerios, a man who has been diagnosed with Bipolar I, Bipolar II with psychotic features, and Paranoid Schizophrenia. His first acute episode occurred five years ago at the age of 41. He has always loved photography.

About this photo: I took this picture several years back, it signifies to me how depression hits.

Depression Train

I am busy living and working and then I feel the ground start to shake and rattle, in the distance I hear the loud horn screaming, “It’s about to hit!” as my body anticipates the impact of a three mile coal train loaded with depression.

I stand up on the tracks waving and screaming, “Not now, I am busy, I do not want anyone to see me this way!” Despite my best efforts to stop it, it keeps coming. My body starts to imagine the weight of the train. Knowing how the impact feels, I find a private place, a rest room, a room with a closed door or I curl up on the bed. It hits and splatters my emotions only leaving a pool of depressing tar behind, a tar so deep, so sad I put my head in my hands and wonder how it happened? I try to rationalize it, “It’s because I am mentally ill?”, “It’s because I am being punished for something?” or  “It’s because of…?” I start to sink deeper into the tar, I feel it between my thoughts. 

I know it will pass, but it never passes soon enough.

_____

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2 comments on “Depression Train

  1. CC
    June 13, 2015

    Wow, you just punched my emotions with your experience.

    I can’t help wonder, if we’re all vulnerable to this state of emotion, if we did not take good care of ourselves during either tough times (e.g. relationships), or the more “normal” living like parenting. Years ago, I was taught about this – but I didn’t listen carefully enough to that advice, nor my souls crying out. I’m still struggling to get that little inner girl live & LOL, but once in a while she appears. What really helps, is keeping a positive approach to live, appreciating the little wonderful things. Most importantly I will not give up, finding the balance, in taking good care of myself, and do at least 1 thing every day (every week – whatever!) 🙂 that makes me smile and feel alive. Remember that work is only work, and that life is meant to be lived, not passed.

    I know, that when the train hits, that these are probably impossible tasks – it’s in between it matters. Hopefully that’ll make that train arrive less frequently 🙂 Best wishes and blessings your way.

    Like

  2. themonkseal
    June 13, 2015

    Reblogged this on themonkseal.

    Like

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