Broken Light: A Photography Collective

We are photographers living with or affected by mental illness; supporting each other one photograph at a time. Join our community, submit today!

Atelophobia I

Please welcome first-time contributor Katelyn A. Cartwright, a woman from Boone, North Carolina. Katelyn is studying Social Work at Appalachian State University. She is a survivor of sexual assault and is living with Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety, and Anorexia Nervosa. Photography has always been her main means of therapy when other forms of help seemed far off. She enjoys taking portraits, mountain landscapes, and is especially skilled at closeups. She has learned much from her journey so far, and is eager to see where life will take her.

About this photo: “Photo was taken at Thunder Hill Overlook, Blue Ridge Parkway, Boone NC. Atelophobia is the fear of not being good enough. I managed to spend much of my first two years of college hating myself and my body, cycling from intense, mind numbing mania to crippling depression. I felt caged, out of control, and like I was not enough for anyone, and then a switch would flip and I was superman, invincible and immune to everything. Lately the mania is hiding, but the depression remains. My own little curse, if you will. My brain has two halves, one that is polite and kind to me, and the other who is as terrifying and verbally abusive as my ex girlfriend. What matters is which side I chose to listen to from now on. I will not chose to listen to the shitty side. There is a phrase on the Bendlerblock in Berlin; (the site of the memorial for the German Resistance of WWII). The quote, in Old German, reads: Ihr Trugt die Schande nicht, ihr Wehrtet euch. In English, it means: You did not bear the shame, you resisted. I no longer bear the shame of my past, I did not bear the shame then, I don’t bear it now, and I will not bear it again.

_____

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7 comments on “Atelophobia I

  1. Hank shaw
    March 30, 2015

    Ike’s the faith you’re headed in the right direction

    Like

  2. Hank shaw
    March 30, 2015

    Not Ike’s the faith…keep the faith. damn you autocorrect

    Like

  3. the Prodigal Orphan
    March 30, 2015

    Katelyn, precious sister –
    if a picture is worth a thousand words, this one evokes even more memories than that.
    And your words share an insight and a resilience and a strength that are inspirational.
    I’m passing this on to our daughter. Anxiety, depression for a good long time. Recently, at thirty-seven, diagnosed as BiPolar.

    I’m over at http://www.nocturnaladmissions.net.
    I’d be thrilled if you’d stop by, take a gander.

    Harris

    Liked by 1 person

  4. badfish
    March 31, 2015

    Very nicely done. Interesting.

    Like

  5. Shrewed Up
    March 31, 2015

    I absolutely love this photo, particularly how one could argue the rain disguises tears. It shows the duality of mental illness so perfectly: the mental struggle to wash away the fear of not being good enough juxtaposed with the external struggle to hide the emotional impact of these fears from the outside world. Bravo.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. dreambigwords
    March 31, 2015

    This photograph is gorgeously haunting and honest and I love the words you wrote – especially those about letting go of shame. I am going to write down that phrase from the memorial because it resonates with me. Thank you for sharing.

    Like

  7. imaginarytree
    March 31, 2015

    All I can say is, thank you.

    Like

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