Photo taken by contributor Carrie Hilgert, a 36-year-old photographer and self-portrait artist from Northeast Kansas. After venturing into digital photography, she became interested in documenting her life with self portraits. This became particularly helpful when her life started to fall apart due to depression. All her other creative outlets left her, but she could always process her very dark feelings with self portraits. While she is doing much better now, she maintains compassion for those going through these hard things and hopes that her photography can give an honest insight into something that makes most people feel very isolated and alone.
About this photo: “I am at a crossroads.
Emotionally, I feel new. I’m off all my meds and I feel alive.
Physically, I’m still holding onto 10lbs I lost once and regained and am shifting my thinking to not care if I lose them again. Unheard of.
Of course I’m still confused about most things. But I’m not confused about how I want to live my life now. Every decision I make, I make it in light of my new belief that this is my time. This is the time of my life that I am happy. That I make decisions for my benefit. Not in a selfish way. I don’t mean, hey kids, make your own dinner every night, while I hop down to the local bar and booze it up because it makes me feel good.
Nah. I just don’t want to make choices based on what other people expect me to do. I’ve done that my whole life.
And I’m done with it. The world isn’t such a big place anymore. In the words of Walter from Fringe, “If you can imagine it, it’s possible”
Or something like that. Because what I can imagine does indeed seem impossible sometimes.”