Haunted By Death Not Yet Realized

Photo taken by Brenda, a 36 year-old woman currently living in San Diego, California. Photography is her means of artistic expression, but she also find solace in writing. She has been bouncing a story for a novel in her head for over 10 years now dealing with depression and suicide, especially within gay teens. Her partner of 6 years suffers from bipolar II & major depressive disorder. Every day is a struggle for her. There are days when thoughts of suicide infiltrate her mind. During these episodes, Brenda often has to wrestle away sharp objects or pills from her partner’s hands. It’s not always like that, but when it is, the days are dark and the nights even darker.

About this photo: “I try not to think about the possibility that someday my partner will actually realize her suicidal plans, but it’s a reality I can’t ignore. I often think about her not being alive anymore and how I would deal with that loss. The one image that comes to mind every time is me picking up one of her worn articles of clothing, still unwashed and strewn about the room, and lying with it in our bed. It’s cliché really, but this image of me holding on to something that represented who she was, infiltrates my thoughts frequently. That very image is the primary inspiration for this photo—a ghostlike image of a dead loved one lying on the bed forever intangible. For both our sake, I hope it’s an image that will not be realized anytime soon.”


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4 thoughts on “Haunted By Death Not Yet Realized

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  1. Myself and my partner know that situation all to well and I just shared the image. Both of us being photographers and having each been with and experienced on our own this type of mental illness and struggle. We want to say thank you for expressing in an image something we have failed to find a way of expressing in words. Prayers and thoughts with you and your partner. You are both amazing. Keep fighting and stay strong. xo


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