A Fragile Balance

Photo taken by a 40+ year old clinical psychologist, who struggles with mental illness (bipolar II disorder and ADD) and treats people with a full range of psychological and psychiatric problems. She found this egg on her office window sill this morning.

About this photo: I’ve been in a good place for a while, thanks to my supportive family, my wonderful and highly skilled therapist and psychopharmacologist, with whom I work very closely. I’m not severely depressed or hypomanic right now and my medicines (Lamictal, Lithium, Xanax and Vyvance) are pretty well-balanced.  I keep thinking about this egg as a metaphor….my world can seem so fragile, especially when I am feeing “normal mood”, mood states can feel like the storm we’re expecting today, it’s sometimes impossible to keep my nest from falling through the cracks, it’s hard holding it together sometimes when my resources feel depleted by stress, it’s a chore to care for my children when I’m depressed, I teeter at times, life is cold when I’m depressed, I feel alone, inadequate….I feel guilty for wanting to end it all.  Fortunately, I don’t feel that way now, things are pretty good, but they aren’t for some of my patients.  I feel deeply for them, empathize with their struggles.  I’m hopeful for them too.  I realize I need to care for who’s in my office and let nature take its course outside my window….not easy.  I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to have the right balance of medicine and a really solid working relationship with a great therapist.

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3 thoughts on “A Fragile Balance

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  1. the photo and post ties it all so well together…..takes the illnesses and the symptoms thereof, the pain, the reality and brings it straight to the heart of all of us suffering…thanks

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