About this photo: One of the reasons I took up photography was to avoid having my own picture taken. I’d shun any efforts to drag me into the spotlight, and I have no interest in drawing attention to myself. Being behind the camera is not only a way to calm the volcanic mind, but also a way to hide from the public arena. Similarly I’ve used my own blog Alice through the Macro Lens as a hideaway…somewhere to which I can retreat and be anyone I want to be, and until now, I’ve been “Alice,” keeper of the self-imposed bug-a-day challenge and occasional mouth piece for the noises in my head.
I have long retreated to the shadows, because I have been told, and I have grown to believe, that the real me is not worthy of standing at the front and centre of society’s stage. I don’t fit the model of physical beauty, I don’t tow the line, and I have a mental illness that effects how I respond to the world. This self-portrait is not visually as dramatic as any you’ve showcased so far, but I think it just about sums me up. I’ll call it “Coming out of the Dark.” The picture was taken one afternoon when the sun was shining in the window and causing my reflection to appear in the computer screen. The picture incorporates the two escapes from the reality of my mental illness that I have relied upon the most – my camera and my blog.
But you know what? I am a formidable person. I am a good writer. I am a decent photographer. I am a devoted mother. I have an incredible story and a very big heart. And, if nothing else, my mental illness makes me a lot more interesting than many.