My Pain

Photo taken by contributor Cla-c, a 45-year-old wife and mother of four who was diagnosed with Cyclothymia a year ago. She has battled severe depression, paranoia, and fearfulness throughout her life, and has always felt like an outcast. After she lost a much loved cousin to suicide, she knew she had to face her demons. Growing up in Africa in the 70’s and 80’s, going to a therapist was not part of the culture. Instead of dealing with her feelings and shame related to childhood trauma, she merely existed. She never felt like she had a voice, something that she struggles with even today. Her sensitivity has at times led her to isolate, which is especially challenging as a portrait photographer. She has come to both fear and love people at the same time. Today, she has a small but amazing support system. She dreams of having a cabin in the woods with the butterflies.

About this photo:

My Pain
I’ve never felt so lonely like today, like yesterday, like tomorrow
but then I found you
I’ve never felt so much pain like today, like yesterday, like tomorrow
but then I found you
they smile at me you know, but it’s not real, I know
I see how their faces changes from morning to night,
Not one of them looks the same, by moonlight
My heart always hopes it’s real it’s the real them 
I give so much of myself to them, but I am transparent to them,
light moves right through me 
and so do they,
I cry for myself 
but mostly I cry for them 
but then I found you … 

_____

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