Behind This Door

Photo taken by contributor Lori Goodwin who has fought a lifelong battle with severe anxiety, depression, OCD, and PTSD. She has had many people in her family also struggle with mental health issues, including a mother with depression; father with anxiety, depression, and OCD; and an uncle with schizophrenia. Three of Lori’s four children also suffer differing combinations of anxiety, depression, OCD, PTSD, and/or chronic insomnia. Lori is a long-time single mother who’s had very little in the way of resources except courage and resilience. She feels like a sensitive soul trying to find a place in what feels like a loud, angry, cruel world.

About this photo: “There’s a whole lot of tragedy crammed behind that door, and it’s going to be dirty and ugly inside. I know opening it is going to hurt, and it’s going to be scary. But I’m carefully, oh so carefully, going to open that door and take out one thing at a time. I’ll handle each piece gently, carefully airing it out. Then I’ll either re-fold it neatly and put it back, or I’ll throw it away, depending on what best serves my needs. I expect I’ll find a lot of deep, dark holes with nothing in them, since entire chunks of my childhood are blank. But that’s OK. I’ll gently rinse them with my tears and fill them with love for myself. I’ll grieve for that terrified little girl, and all that she might have become. And then I’m going to celebrate. I’m going to celebrate the incredible woman I’ve become—both in spite of and because of the chaos, neglect, and abuse.”

Find more from Lori at her blog.

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